Melanie Bell

Author, Writer, Editor


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Taking Care of Ourselves and Each Other

Epping Forest is one of the areas I explored for once-a-day exercise during lockdown.

The coronavirus pandemic has affected all of us, though not equally. Those communities that are most marginalized have been hardest hit. Different parts of the world are facing different trajectories of recovery and reinfection. Here in the UK, some restrictions remain (there’s no skating at the skating rink) while others have been lifted (some travel is permitted, and shops are filled with masked shoppers).

I have been fortunate in keeping my day job and place to live. My days look different, though, and I doubt they’ll ever revert to what they were. My office is closed for the rest of 2020, if not beyond. My company just did an ergonomic assessment of my home workspace and boxes of equipment arrived for me today in the mail, granting a sense of permanence to the whole thing. I’ve learned new ways of working, exercising, cleaning, and being with people in the world. If the pandemic recedes, a vaccine is found, or the infection gets otherwise under control, there are parts of daily life that I’d be very happy to have back. There are aspects of this new way of being, though, that I’d like to keep.

I appreciate how COVID-19 has brought out altruism in many communities and people. Groups have banded together to make masks, shop for the vulnerable, offer entertainment, and support each other in many ways. I hope this civic-mindedness and mutual care continues in some form. It is always needed.

I appreciate the renewed awareness that we affect each other. How often have I thought that my actions didn’t make a difference? The presence of an infectious pandemic shows that the small things we do matter. If they can have profound negative impacts, their positive impacts can be profound as well. We are responsible for each other’s health and well-being in tangible ways.

There is a deepened recognition of the importance of hygiene and personal space. May our post-COVID-19 world be a cleaner one. As an introvert, if people emerge from this with greater respect for each other’s personal space bubbles, I’d appreciate that too.

Many of us have become more conscious of our health. As far as I know, I have not contracted the coronavirus, but the stress of the pandemic contributed to other forms of illness at a couple points. I’ve come to recognize the importance of resting, taking the mental burden off, and caring for my body in a way I didn’t before. We are all vulnerable.

I’m also appreciating some of the resourceful solutions to lockdown problems. No gym access? Run in the park. It’s nice to connect with the outdoors, and I’ve gotten faster. I’ve also gotten to know new areas near me, full of beautiful flora and fauna. Limited time and ingredients at the stores? Become a better pantry planner, and try new recipes to use up ingredients. As rough as the problem is and has been, I hope that many of us come out of this with improved problem-solving abilities.

What have you done during the pandemic to take care of yourself and others? What new ways of doing things (if any) would you like to continue?  


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Network Well by Using Your Instincts

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Co-written with Kacie Berghoef

Most of us know the famous saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” Whether you’re employed, looking for work, an entrepreneur, or some combination of the above, there’s no doubt that networking and relationship building are instrumental in professional success. The research shows that strong networking skills not only help us find the right position, but also correlate with higher salary, more promotions, and increased satisfaction in the workplace.

There are many ways to build your network, from keeping in touch with new contacts to connecting with people you’d like to get to know through professional contacts on LinkedIn. One common and useful way of meeting new people is to attend or host networking events focused on common goals or interests.  

The three Instincts, Self-Preservation, Sexual, and Social, all bring unconscious needs and biases to in-person and online networking. We tend to overdo the needs of our dominant Instinct and underdo, or minimize, our blind spot Instinct’s needs. In order to develop strong networking skills, all of us must bring attention to all three Instincts, to meet the needs of others and ourselves. Below are some suggestions on how to plan and successfully navigate networking events in a way that addresses the desires of all three Instincts.

Self-Preservation: The Self-Preservation Instinct is the part of us that cares about our physical environment and space. If you’re planning a networking event, make sure the venue has comfortable spaces for guests to unwind, and food and drink for a wide range of dietary needs. Let people know in advance if the temperature tends to run hot or cold. At the event, make sure you talk to people in locations where they’re physically comfortable – move to a table if your contact is precariously balancing food and drink during the conversation.

If Self-Preservation is your dominant Instinct, it can be easy to get caught up in sensitivity to the environment, at the expense of getting to know others. Make an effort to spend some time moving around the room, introducing yourself to other people, and letting them know how you can be of value to them.

Sexual: The Sexual Instinct is the part of us that cares about the excitement and stimulation the event provides. Include something about the event, whether it’s an edgy venue or exotic food, that pushes the envelope and gets your guests fired up to be there. Make the event open to allowing all guests to express creativity and discuss their passions. At the event, engage participants by getting them to discuss topics that excite them. Don’t be afraid to break from “working the room” and spend more time with a participant with whom you feel a particularly strong mutual connection.

If Sexual is your dominant Instinct, you may have a tendency to focus on people you find exciting, rather than building networking relationships that support your professional growth. Take the time to explore meeting a wide variety of people, focusing on mutual reciprocity over immediate chemistry.

Social: The Social Instinct is the part of us that cares about finding connection and common ground with others. To bring out the Social Instinct in guests, make sure the venue has plenty of open spaces for ample conversation, and plan icebreakers to get attendees to start talking. Engage the Social Instinct of participants at networking events by not just getting “down to business” – spend time getting to know each other first. Pay attention to the needs of contacts and build relationships by making sure you can offer ways to help and support them, too.

If Social is your dominant Instinct, you likely excel at meeting others at networking events, but sometimes you can work the room a little too quickly and smoothly. Spend enough time getting to know other participants and finding shared interests and values, and help others by introducing them to people you think they’d connect with.

Keeping the three Instincts in mind as you navigate networking events will add to your own and others’ enjoyment, and enhance the quality of the connections you make.