Every year around late December and early January, I see posts on social media about new year’s resolutions. I’ve made a bit of a tradition of writing about this phenomenon, whether it’s giving tips about setting effective goals by being more specific or reflecting on the need for baby steps toward change rather than planning to overhaul one area of your life all at once. There’s something about the process of resolution-making that both inspires and annoys me. Here are my thoughts for this new year’s rant: How many of us are setting goals based on the person we are, and how many of us are making resolutions that we hope will transform us into someone else?
Over the holidays, I watched a documentary about Mister Rogers. One of the songs featured on his iconic children’s TV show, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, and explored in the film, began like this:
“I like you as you are Exactly and precisely I think you turned out nicely And I like you as you are.”
He said that every child needed to hear that message, because it’s not something that children are told. I realized that adults don’t hear this either. No matter your age, this message has an impact.
A lot of new year’s efforts have the noble goal of adding value to our lives. Health-related habit changes can bring us energy and vitality. Ambitious goals can help us achieve the things that we wish to. At times, though, these efforts are inspired from without instead of from within. We’re told to be this way or that way, and we take the things the world tells us to be and turn them into our yearly aspirations for self-improvement, which we may or may not carry out. Rather than being accepted and accepting ourselves exactly as we are, we treat ourselves as things that must change.
What if we took this decade as a time to be more ourselves? We could set goals that take who we are and accentuate it. Goals that celebrate the best parts of us. Goals that nourish parts of ourselves we know are there but don’t always express. Or we could set aside goal setting for the time being and take time to be.
There are things I’d like to do in 2020, but I’ll take my old self with me as I do them. No “new me”… just a new year, a new decade, and whatever they happen to bring.
It’s that time again: time for New Year’s resolutions. January rolls around and you make plans for the year ahead. You envision your best self and create resolutions hoping to make that person real. Sometimes your goals pan out. If you’re anything like me, though, all too often the following year arrives and the idealized self remains a distant dream, with resolutions left behind somewhere along the way. Many of my editing and coaching clients share my experience – a fairly common one – of having big dreams but struggling with practical goal-setting.
For a couple years, I made resolutions to do things I was already in the habit of doing, as I was confident that these goals would be fulfilled. Indeed they were, but while these easily achievable resolutions showed that I could continue on a positive course of action, they also added nothing new to my life. Later, I tried setting short intentions, choosing an overarching word or phrase, such as “making money,” to guide my year, and I set goals that were concrete but out of my comfort zone. These measures helped. But as 2019 brings in a new crop of enthusiastic articles about changing your life with the shifting of the calendar year, I think a change in philosophy is called for as well. Below are some measures that have helped in my own goal-setting and in my work with clients.
Think big if you want – as a starting point.
Lots of us find it fun to imagine the best version of ourselves. How can we know who we might become if we don’t allow ourselves to dream? Go ahead and make that vision board if you enjoy doing so, or that wild list of things you want to do in the future. Map out all the books you want to write or the countries you want to travel to. Your dreams will serve as fuel for your daily life. As the next steps suggest, though, be mindful that you can’t do everything at once.
Then bring the dream down to earth.
This is where practical goal-setting measures come in. The big dreams we have about our lives may not be realizable all at once, but if we think things through and plan carefully, we can create realistic outcomes that we wish for. Getting in shape, for instance, becomes easier if we don’t just purchase that gym membership but set a schedule, join an exercise class, and/or commit with a friend to exercise together. Writing a novel becomes easier if you set yourself a daily word count and working time. In 2017, Kacie Berghoef and I blogged about setting SMART goals. Try out this method of practical goal-setting by making your resolutions specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound.
Hold yourself accountable.
I mentioned setting a schedule and finding a gym buddy. Once you’ve created a goal for yourself that moves in your desired direction and works with the life you have now – something small, not too time-consuming, trackable, and concrete – put measures in place to hold yourself accountable to it. Pencil (or type) commitments into your calendar. Set up a mutual support system with someone else where you check in periodically with each other about your goals. Many of my editing clients have found it useful to set deadlines and have check-ins. In some cases, working with me as an editor/writing coach and having that external cheerleading provided motivation for them to finish their projects. Make sure that you are committed, that your progress is being observed, and if possible, that someone besides you is invested in your achieving the goal.
You don’t have to do everything now.
You may have noticed the use of “goal,” singular. The key in achieving goals is not to set too many all at once. Rather than climbing that mountain right away, commit to baby steps by starting the training process. If you tend to make long lists of resolutions, set yourself fewer goals than you think you can realistically accomplish: that way your efforts will be focused. If you have a big vision and aren’t sure where to start, pick one step in that direction that you can get started on right away and commit to regularly. The key is just to get started. The fruits of a beginner’s effort will bring you more satisfaction than a dream unrelated to your actions.
If you get closer to where you want to be, that’s a win.
We don’t always fulfill our new year’s resolutions. As I looked back on my goals for 2018, there was one that stood out as uncompleted. I hadn’t made the progress that I’d hoped, and felt disappointed looking back – until a loved one pointed out that I’d improved. I could see then that even if I hadn’t been 100% successful, setting and working towards that goal had still been a success. Maybe it’s the same for you. Are you in slightly better physical shape, for instance? Did you start that novel, even if you didn’t finish it? At the end of each year, look on your progress and celebrate. After all, no one says that you have to complete a goal in a year – you can keep going for as long as you like!
As we turn the corner into another year, our best intentions come with us. We make plans to improve our health, relationships, work life, and many other areas that are meaningful or challenging for us. For a rare few, these goals have a lasting impact. For others, they are swiftly forgotten.
The tradition of making New Year’s resolutions has humbler roots than many of our goals have today. According to Time Magazine, it began in ancient Babylon, with promises made to the gods. The Babylonians took a down-to-earth approach; their promises included such manageable goals as returning things they had borrowed.
We can learn a thing or two from the Babylonians in setting yearly goals for ourselves that have staying power. A philosophy that aligned with their simple, doable promises was articulated by George T. Doran in 1981. Writing to managers, he described a system of goal setting that follows the acronym SMART. There are a few variations on the words associated with SMART. One version we like stands for:
Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Time-bound
When we set goals that follow the five SMART principles, we’re more likely to achieve them. We build in accountability for ourselves and ensure that we don’t bite off more than we can chew. Rather than thinking big for your New Year’s resolutions, try using SMART principles that will work with your Enneagram type to help you achieve your goals.
Specific: Instead of committing to an overarching idea such as “getting in shape,” commit to a concrete practice that will move you toward your intentions, such as running three times a week.
While specificity is important for anyone who wants to set achievable goals, it’s especially useful for types Four and Nine to consider. Fours often daydream of lofty achievements; getting clear on the steps they want to take will bring these closer to reality. For Nines, hazy, generalized goals can lead to inaction, so focusing on the specifics will bring momentum.
Measurable: Find ways to measure progress toward your goals quantitatively. Continuing with the example of running, you could aim to get your mile down to under ten minutes, and time yourself with each practice. This step is particularly important for type Eight, as Eights tend to pour a lot of energy into their pursuits, sometimes tiring themselves out or quitting. Creating measurable goals will keep actions strategic.
Attainable: Choose a goal that is under your control. Something like getting a book published depends on external circumstances, but submitting your manuscript to a set number of publishers is something you can accomplish on your own. Consider this especially if you are type Three or Six. Threes often focus on outside validation, and benefit from the inner-directed approach of attainability. Sixes often place control within others’ hands, and focusing on attainability brings the ball into their court.
Realistic: Consider how your goal, which should be fairly concrete by now, will fit in with the rest of your life. Do you have the ability, resources, money, and time to achieve what you’re hoping to do? Are there aspects you need to reevaluate to make the goal doable? Realism is an important consideration for types One and Seven. For Ones, it will minimize perfectionistic expectations and ease pressure. For Sevens, it will focus energy on priorities and lessen overextension.
Time-bound: Set yourself a deadline, for the final goal as well as for any milestones toward it. This practice is valuable for all of us, and wonderful for types Two and Five. Twos frequently prioritize others and can get sidetracked, so keeping to a schedule provides useful structure for tending to their own desires. Fives tend to spend a lot of time on planning, so having a deadline will ensure their goals materialize in action.
We encourage you to use all five SMART principles as you create and pursue your New Year’s resolutions, with a special emphasis on the dominant one for your type. With these practices in mind, you’ll see better results in meeting the goals that matter to you.
“Out with the old, and in with the new!” The beginning of a new year is widely recognized as a time for goal setting. We may vow to clean our houses, get in shape, be kinder. But often, the promises we make are forgotten by February.
As with many aspects of life, our personality patterns bring both strengths and challenges for goal setting. Each type tends to run into certain snags that make it more difficult to meet our goals. With this in mind, here are some type-specific shortcuts for setting goals that are achievable and rewarding.
Type One: It’s easy to get caught up in wanting to fulfill a goal to the letter, which can lead to the “paralyzed perfectionist” syndrome. This year, build some flexibility and leeway into your plans. Pursuing your goals can be imperfect and messy, while still being productive…and even a little fun!
Type Two: Have you ever found yourself making resolutions on behalf of others, rather than for yourself? Take some time for self-reflection in your goal setting this year, and prioritize self-care. What goals can you set that will nurture you and meet your needs? Consider setting yourself breaks from helping others.
Type Three: As with Type Two, take time for self-reflection and set some goals that are for yourself only. It may be tempting to promote your goal and your efforts toward it. However, you’ll find value in setting goals that are personally meaningful but private – accountable just to yourself.
Type Four: It’s easy to dream of ambitious results. This year, set goals with built-in structure, making them easier to achieve. For example, you could work toward a specific goal every day, with measurable steps. Rather than aspiring to fix a perceived flaw, set goals that are positive and results-oriented.
Type Five: Rather than thinking about your goals and generating endless possibilities, focus on one or two solid objectives. Get grounded and implement them in your daily life. Bringing in help and support from others is helpful. If your goal is to get in shape, for example, find a gym buddy to work out with.
Type Six: Don’t let fear get in the way of committing to the goals that are important to you. There’s no need to ask your “committee,” or turn to that self-help book, for input in choosing a goal. Listen to your inner guidance and select a goal and way of meeting it that resonates with you.
Type Seven: You have lots of great ideas. Go ahead and brainstorm; then take time to look through your list, reflect, and select one or two important things to focus on. Start by prioritizing something small and measurable. Big plans take time, and are completed step by committed step.
Type Eight: It’s easy to put a lot of zest and energy into your goals. Don’t overdo your plans this year; your goal setting doesn’t need to be ambitious or tiring. Be gentle with yourself and your efforts. Choose goals that will nurture your heart, and tap into your protective, magnanimous side.
Type Nine: Let your affinity for routine work for you, rather than against you. It takes time to change or create a habit. However, once you’ve put the effort into establishing a regular behavior, it will stick. Setting goals that you can work into routines will build new, meaningful habits into your life.
If you’d like to learn more about the Enneagram and goal setting, including a framework for setting more effective goals that benefits all types, join us on January 8 for our first Leadership Lunch Talk in San Francisco, or contact us to schedule a talk or workshop with your organization or group.
Co-written with Kacie Berghoef
Co-written with Kacie Berghoef
You must be logged in to post a comment.